Manipulation
Manipulation
What is Manipulation ?
Ans
Manipulation is coercive or unethical behavior driven by the goal of exploiting or controlling another person for your own personal gain.
Why do people manipulate others?
Ans:
People manipulate others for many reasons, including:
- Control. People who manipulate might be driven by a need for control or controlling tendencies, which may feel thrilling.
- Low self-esteem. Manipulation can be a way for a person to avoid feeling bad about themselves. Jason Drake, lead clinician and owner of Katy Teen & Family Counseling, says that “People manipulate largely due to lack of self-confidence or self-esteem.” “They may not feel that they have the ability to get what they want on their own merits,” he says.
- Ego. A common reason among narcissistic people, someone who manipulates “may believe that they are the brightest and most capable person around, and might use manipulation to feed their ego that they can outsmart others and gain from their efforts,” Drake explains.
- Personal gain. A manipulative person might use these tactics to obtain something they want, such as money, power, or attention.
- Avoidance. Manipulation might offer a way to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions.
Manipulation can be sneaky, but you can work to avoid it with these strategies:
- Know the signs. People who manipulate often exhibit similar types of behaviors. Watch out for people who are overly friendly, make empty promises, or try to make you feel guilty, Draughn explains.
- Be aware of your emotions. Evoking strong emotions is at the core of most manipulation methods. “People who use manipulation often play on your emotions, but remember that you can’t let them control how you feel,” says Draughn.
- Stay calm. It can be important to stay in control of yourself and not lose your cool when dealing with people who manipulate. “Don’t let them rattle you or get under your skin,” Draughn explains.
- Avoid personalizing. Even though manipulation can be hurtful, try to internalize that this behavior has nothing to do with you. “Manipulation has more to do with the other person and their inability to meet their own needs in a healthy way,” says Drake.
- Listen. While it doesn’t feel good for someone to attempt to manipulate you, being confrontational can inflame the situation. Try listening with empathy so that you can identify what their needs or wants are, Drake suggests.
- Respect your boundaries. After listening to the other person and feeling that you are being manipulated, it’s important to hold healthy limits and boundaries in check. “If you respond respectfully, yet assertively, and [don’t] give in to the manipulation, over time, they will generally see you as someone their tactics don’t work on and will move on,” Drake explains.
- Tell someone you trust. It can be emotionally draining and hurtful in dealing with someone who is manipulative. Talking with a close friend or family member about what you’re experiencing can be healing. “Close friends and family can often give you great feedback and advice, and it’s helpful to have a listening ear when dealing with someone who manipulates,” Drake adds.
There are different types of manipulation. Three of the most common ones are:
- Guilt induction. The person manipulating you may imply something negative has happened to you because of someone else, or or they may play on your insecurities to make you feel guilty. This includes playing the victim.
- Ingratiation. They may deliberately establish themselves in your good graces to get something from you or to get ahead.
- Deceit. They may be dishonest by misrepresenting or hiding the truth.
But manipulation in relationships can also come in other packages that may not be as straightforward or easy to identify.
Other manipulation techniques may include:
- Love-bombing. They may give you intense and persistent attention and affection to quickly create emotional interest and dependency.
- Gaslighting. They may dismiss you to make you doubt and question yourself.
- Passive-aggressive behavior. They might make sarcastic comments or jokes that can be later dismissed with “I was just joking” or “You take everything too personally.”
- Triangulation. They might bring another person into the mix to justify an opinion or make you feel insecure.
- Covert or overt threats. They may want to instill fear in you with certain comments or behaviors.
- Silent treatment. They may ignore you or cease talking to you as a form of emotional punishment.
Not everyone who manipulates is actually aware they do. They may think that’s how relationships work or even believe you manipulate them too and they need to respond.
In some instances, they may be aware of their actions but not of how they affect you.
Then, there are those who play manipulation games, knowing full well what they’re doing and what impact these actions have on others.
This doesn’t necessarily make them the “bad guy.” Instead, it may indicate that they’re living with a mental health condition that could require professional support.
Although research suggests that most people engage in some form of manipulation from time to time, people who use manipulative tactics regularly may have complex reasons for their need for control.
These reasons may include:
- having a cluster B personality disorder, such as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or histrionic personality disorder
- having been raised in a household where manipulation tactics were typically used
- fearing losing control or being judged
- having poor communication skills that hamper the ability to communicate needs effectively
- engaging in defense mechanisms
- having an anxious attachment style
Identifying the signs of manipulation in relationships is the first step to protecting yourself. Here are some other precautions you can take:
Be aware of your emotions as you interact with someone
Try to pay attention to how you feel around this person.
If you experience uncomfortable emotions like self-doubt, fear, or guilt, consider taking some time away from them to think clearly about what’s happening.
Keep the conversation on topic
People who use manipulation tactics often divert conversations off subject. This could be to either distract you from the real issue or to further their goal of leading the interaction.
Remaining laser-focused on the topic can help prevent the conversation from going in the direction they desire.
Establish boundaries
Unclear boundaries in relationships can make it easier for manipulation to occur. It can be helpful to identify the boundaries you’d like to establish in this relationship and work towards implementing them.
Although it’s easier to establish boundaries early in a relationship, it’s never too late to consider gently yet firmly communicating what you will or won’t tolerate.
Manipulation and dishonesty can be common toxic traits. Here’s how to identify and deal with them in the people in your life.
You’ve probably heard the word “toxic” used to describe people and their actions. But what does it actually mean?
A person with toxic traits may behave in a way that’s hurtful and damaging to those around them. Their actions, words, and energy might affect others negatively — whether they realize it or not.
At some point in your life, you may encounter a person with these types of traits. Maybe it’s a co-worker, significant other, sibling, or even a parent.
The closer your relationship is with this person, the harder it can be to identify just how unhealthy their behavior and actions really are.
Knowing the reasons behind these behaviors, the signs to look out for, and what to do once you’ve identified them can help you learn to deal with it.
There are many factors that can cause toxic behavior.
Nature
The so-called Dark Triad of personality refers to three categories of humans’ worst traits — narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy — that some people may exhibit.
Research suggests that these negative traits are at least partially genetic, passed from parent to child. Other
So, people with parents who have toxic traits may be more likely to have those characteristics, too.
Nurture
But it’s not just genes that contribute to personality. Environmental factors can play a role, too.
One
On the other hand, some people with toxic traits may behave poorly because of past trauma, a dysfunctional family life, or substance use. A person’s inability to process stress and grief can sometimes transform into toxicity towards others.
Mental health conditions
Not all people with these traits have mental health conditions, but for some, conditions like personality disorders, bipolar disorder, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can be the underlying cause of their behavior.
Symptoms like sudden bursts of anger, need for praise, irritability, and grandiosity may indicate a mental health condition. In these cases, treatment from a mental health professional may be the best option.
Positive reinforcement
This likely isn’t a root cause of toxic behavior, but it could be one reason why it perpetuates.
We’ve all seen it: a cruel, self-centered, and manipulative person gaining success professionally and financially.
Research suggests that even though they’re not actually better at their jobs, employees with toxic traits might be more likely to receive higher salaries and be promoted into leadership positions.
This may be because they’re able to portray themselves as hard workers, manipulate and exploit others, or cheat their way into getting what they want.
If you want to learn how to deal with toxic behaviors from the people in your life, you’ll have to first try to identify it, which can be tricky.
People that behave in toxic ways are often skilled at hiding their destructive behavior until you’re already in committed or long-term relationships with them. This could be true for a boss, friend, or significant other.
Over time, their toxic qualities might become more clear. But there are some telltale signs you can be on the look out for early in the relationship.
A person with toxic traits may be:
- judgmental
- needy
- mean
- dishonest
- denialist
- narcissistic
- controlling
- calculating
- verbally or physically abusive
- emotionally inconsistent
So, what do these traits look like in real life? They can take on many forms, but here are some common ones.
Lying and dramatizing
Dishonesty is a core characteristic of many people with toxic behaviors. They might lie to you or overreact to a situation if it’s in their best interest.
Belittling or criticizing
People who display toxic behaviors might be doing it to try to bring others down. This may be done to make them feel better about themselves, to get more attention, or other reasons.
They may judge your looks, actions, and decisions, regardless of how much it hurts you. They may rarely self-reflect on their own behavior, but eagerly wait for a chance to criticize others.
Asking for pity or sympathy
It often takes a while to identify this as a sign of toxicity, since your instinct might be to empathize with someone expressing their problems. But an unwarranted, consistent victim mentality is common in people who crave your pity and attention.
If there’s no real problem, they might manufacture one just to elicit sympathy and support.
However, your compassion goes unappreciated and unreciprocated, with the person downplaying or entirely ignoring your problems.
Failing to take responsibility
People with toxic traits can sometimes refuse to admit when they’ve said or done something wrong. They may not take responsibility for their own actions or feel the need to apologize.
They may find a way to shift the blame to you or try to defend their offensive behavior.
This is often true in abusive relationships, where the person who is abusive might accuse the survivor of goading them or doing something to warrant the abuse.
Isolating you from other people
The person may want all your attention to be devoted to them. That means finding ways to isolate you from other loved ones and controlling who you see.
For example, romantic partners who behave in toxic ways might stir up drama between you and your friends to damage the relationships, or make you feel guilty for hanging out with them.
Gaslighting and manipulation
People who have toxic traits can be master manipulators. Research from 2014 indicates that the Dark Triad traits dominant are associated with emotional manipulation of romantic partners.
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which one person tries to convince another that their beliefs, memories, and thoughts are false or imagined.
For example, a parent might try to convince their child that the abuse and trauma they experienced in childhood never actually happened or that they’re blowing it out of proportion.
Even with the examples outlined above, it can be hard to assess whether or not someone is truly “toxic.”
So, one of the best ways to figure it out is by reflecting on how you feel after interacting with them and evaluating their impact on your self-image.
This person is likely behaving in a toxic way if you:
- are constantly walking on egg shells around them
- feel emotionally drained after being with them
- value their opinion over your own
- frequently feel confused about their reactions and how to proceed after interacting with them
- find yourself making excuses for their behavior
- have lost your confidence and sense of self
Having any type of relationship with a person who exhibits toxic traits can have some damaging affects on your well-being. This is especially true if this person has been in your life for years.
The manipulation, judgment, and isolation you might be experiencing at the hands of this person can lead to:
- a lack of self-worth
- damaged relationships with others
- a loss of enjoyment in things you once loved
- development of a mental health condition
There are steps you can take to learn how to deal with this behavior.
It’s easy to tell someone, “Just stop talking to them” or “Cut them out of your life immediately.”
But that’s not always easy, especially if the person is a family member or significant other.
Here are some ways you can deal with toxic behavior. You can try to:
- set and enforce clear boundaries
- discuss the negative behavior you’ve noticed following the behavior
- focus on personal healing and self-care
- identify and explore your role in their actions
- maintain healthy and supportive relationships with others
However, if the toxic behavior persists and continues to have a damaging impact on your well-being, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.
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